My Life as a Reader

I have let this blog languish before, not posting for weeks.  But I was never not reading during that time.  If I wasn’t particularly inspired to love or hate a book I would slack off and never actually write a post.  I’ve never been a dedicated blogger, or diarist (personal or public)for that matter.  But things have changed recently and I am finding it difficult to reconcile my new roles, and as a result for the first time in 15 years my YA reading is languishing a bit.

I took a leave of absence and went back to school.  If I am being honest I don’t know if it is a leave or a resignation, that changes once or twice a week.  But I am home, being a scholar.  On the surface this is a wonderful thing.  At the moment I am in a lounge in my backyard, in the sun while I write this.  I spent a good portion of my day here reading.  See this is the thing about my new role as scholar.  I read.  A lot.  I read about information literacy, media literacy, critical literacy, and adolescent literacy.  I read about teens as content creators, media consumers, social networks, and convergent cultures.  And it is fascinating, I am enjoying it.  But I can only put in so many hours a day reading Generation M or Adolescent Literacy in Historical Context.

Still when I go to break, and I consider my options about what to do I cannot make myself read a novel, or for pleasure at all.  It is no longer pleasurable because I feel guilty.  I could be reading the next article rather than that ARC that has been gathering dust.

And so I find myself wondering about roles, and balance, and how to pick up a book to read because I want to enjoy something without the highlighter and notes in my hand.

I knew the nature of this blog would change, that I’d read significantly less YA.  I started a blog that is private for now to explore my processes while working on the dissertation, although I find that I don’t write there unless I am frustrated about something, which is what I knew would happen since I only journal when I am excited/angry.  But what I don’t know is what now?  Will I come back to this?  And for what purpose?  Who is my new audience (the one in my head, not my actual 2 readers)?

I am just not quite sure.

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